Motherhood

Anniversary Sale!

Marie-Ange Bigelow Doula, Motherhood, Music Therapy 0 Comment

14 years ago I began my journey into the world of doula work and childbirth education. Since then, I have been able to support 130 births as a doula, given birth to 4 children of my own, and teach hundreds of couples in my Music Birth classes.  It has been one of the most rewarding aspects of my adult life.  To celebrate this milestone, I’m offering some great discounts for the next 14 days!

Take $14 off your Music Birth Class Tuition.  ($60-$14= $46)

Take $14 off the cost of the self-study course, Music and Miracles.  ($75-$14= $61)

Take 14% off your doula deposit.

Basic Package ($350-$49= $301)

Supreme Package ($400-$56= $344)

 

Contact me for a free consultation.  I would love to help you have a great birth!

Marie Bigelow, MT, AdvCD(DONA)

All sale prices end at 11:59 pm, Saturday, September 28th, 2017.

Birth and the Atonement

Marie-Ange Bigelow Atonement, Labor, Motherhood, Religion 1 Comment

As a doula and a lover of birth, I have come to see an undeniable connection between birth and the Atonement. The clarity of this relationship has only grown as I have attended more births and spoken with more women about their birth journey.

“Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder.

And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy.

Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.

And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”i (Matthew 26:36-39)

Sit ye here, While I go

One thing that always stood out to me about the Atonement was that although Christ alone had to perform the miracle- He wanted to bring his disciples with Him to the Garden of Gethsemane. Before he entered the garden He chose three disciples, Peter, James, and John, to come into the Garden with him.

Jesus doesn’t want to be alone for what he knows will be the hardest thing He will do in his life. It is the same in birth. Most women choose a few people to attend their birth—it may be their partner, mother, father, sister, best friend, or doula. As with Christ, they will choose people to come into their sacred space and support them in their birth.

During the birth of my two children these people were my husband, midwife, and doulas. I prayed a lot about who to have at my birth because giving birth was going to be one of the most difficult things I would do in my life, and I wanted the people there to support me physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.  I just wanted them to love me.

Tarry Ye Here and Watch

Unlike birth, Christ’s disciples weren’t able to hold him up, tell him he could accomplish the impossible, and wipe the blood, sweat and tears from his face. Jesus asked one thing of his disciples, “tarry ye here, and watch with me.”ii

As a doula I have come to recognize the sacred space of birth and the responsibility to witness a laboring mother. Doulas are trained in comfort techniques to help women in labor but there comes a time during birth when comfort is no longer possible. At this point of labor I recall realizing that I was alone—no one else but me could give birth to my child. I had to do it alone.
Thankfully during both of my births when I came to that isolated point of labor, I was blessed to have loved ones there to witness me. Feeling their presence provided comfort to me when nothing else could; and to this day I credit a lot of my ability to have such empowering births to their watchfulness. Their touch didn’t take away my pain, but their company gave me the hope and the power I needed to keep going.

(“Nativity” by Brian Kershisnik)

These thoughts remind me of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was the only person on this Earth that could perform the Atonement because He lived a perfect life. Nonetheless, even during His greatest time of need, when He prayed to Heavenly Father to “let this cup pass from me”,iii He still had the desire to be witnessed.

Let This Cup Pass From Me

After Jesus leaves his witnesses and goes further into the Garden in Matthew 26: 39 it says:
“And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”iv

(“Gethsemane” by Liz Lemon Swindle)

The suffering the Savior went through during the Atonement was beyond what any mortal could endure. Christ suffered for the sins, sicknesses, and pains of every person that had ever and would ever live, and He did it for one reason—love. Even when he was feeling  “exceeding sorrowful, even unto death” v  and prayed to “let this cup pass from me”vi Jesus continued suffering because he loved us perfectly.

I know I will never experience suffering anywhere close to what Christ felt while performing the Atonement but I have felt those feelings. I remember thinking during my births “I can’t do this, this is too much to bear.” I have also witnessed countless times as a doula, the look on a woman’s face when she reaches this part of her labor. I have heard them cry out for it to be over. However, like Jesus, we continue with our labor which will look different for every woman. Our birth may take place at home, a birth center, or a hospital. It may be unmedicated, medicated, or a cesarean birth. No matter what we choose or how our birth happens, childbirth isn’t easy, but we do it because we love our child just like Christ suffered because He loves us.

i. Matthew 26: 36-39

ii. Matthew 26: 38

iii. Matthew 26: 39

iv. Matthew 26: 39

v. Matthew 26: 38

vi. Matthew 26: 39

Written by Charity Wheeler, Owner of Pure Love Doula Services

  • Birth doula, Photography, Bengkung belly binding
  • Website

Charity’s love of birth began when she was preparing for the birth of her first child. She was blessed to have a doula, and following her beautiful experience knew that she wanted to help empower other women and families. Charity is now a birth doula and loves supporting women and their partners, and helping them feel confident and safe during the miraculous process of pregnancy and birth.  Book Charity before May 23rd, and receive a free belly binding!

Want to learn more about incorporating spirituality into your birth?  Order your copy of The Sacred Gift of Childbirth today!

 

10 Questions about Early Labor

Marie-Ange Bigelow Labor, Motherhood, Natural Chilbirth, Physiology 0 Comment

Most first time moms wonder what labor will feel like, and wonder how they will know when they are truly in labor.  Many of my clients have plenty of questions regarding early labor, so I’ve compiled the ten most frequent questions I receive about early labor with their answers to help you through your early labor.

  1. What are the first signs that you’re in early labor? It is difficult for most women to know when early labor begins. Some women will notice contractions, but for other women who experienced many Braxton Hicks contractions throughout pregnancy, it will be difficult to pinpoint. Some women experience flu like symptoms like nausea or diarrhea.  Others will feel antsy and energized.
  2. How do you know it’s real and not Braxton Hicks? Time will answer this question. Though Braxton Hicks contractions can be regular, they don’t increase in intensity. Real contractions will become more intense over time, last longer, and will get closer together.  It could take hours to know the answer to this question!  Braxton Hicks contractions often dissipate with a relaxing bath and by drinking lots of water.  If contractions continue to pick up if mom is resting and well hydrated, it is probably early labor.
  3. How important is it to time contractions? What’s the best way to do this? Focusing too much on contractions during early labor is usually a waste of energy and focus. Contractions can easily be more than 10 minutes apart, and women should continue to function normally as early labor can last for hours, even days.  For couples wanting to time contractions, the correct way to do so is to time from the beginning of one contraction to the beginning of the next.  So if one contraction begins at 12:00 and the next one begins at 12:13, contractions are 13 minutes apart.  About 5% of early labor is spent having contractions, the other 95% is waiting and wondering.
  4. What are some techniques for handling contractions early on? For the most part, early labor will not be very painful. Moms may feel antsy, and it may be hard to find a comfortable position, but she should not need to actively cope through most of her early labor contractions. Resting in bed, taking a shower or bath, doing yoga, stretching, or taking a short walk can help.  Distraction can also help.  Games, movies, tidying up, even finishing up the work day can be appropriate activities, depending on the woman.  Save the big comfort measures, like massage-deep breathing- and hypnosis for active labor!
  5. Is it better to rest up or stay active to keep things progressing? Activity should be minimal to preserve energy for active labor. I always remind my clients that you can’t speed up early labor, so there is no point exhausting one’s self by walking 6 miles! Early labor should be a time of resting, hydrating, eating simple-healthy food, and preparing emotionally for active labor.  It’s a great time to meditate, or even watch a movie or play a board game.  For women who already have children, it’s a good time to connect with older children with snuggles and reading books.  Some families enjoy baking cupcakes or a special treat to eat together once the baby is born.
  6. What should you eat (or not eat?) Food should be healthy, simple, and easy to digest. Steer clear from extreme pregnancy cravings!  Many women find fruit to be refreshing.  Fruits with lots of water like watermelon and grapes are popular.  Simple carbs like toast, crackers, and cereal are nice, too.  Many women get upset stomachs during active labor, so foods with onions and garlic can come back to haunt you later on.  Staying hydrated is very important.  Water is best.  Drinks that are high in sugar and stimulants should be avoided.
  7. What are some last minute things you should throw in the birth bag? To avoid last minute stress, the hospital or birth center bag should be packed before early labor. The only last minute items should be things that you need in daily life (like phone charger, toiletries) or fresh food items. Everything else should already be packed.  (clothes for mom and baby, diapers, camera, labor supplies etc) Items that women often forget are chapstick and bobby pins.  Labor is hard work, with lots of open mouth breathing.  It often leads to dry lips and crazy hair!  Some women also like to bring slippers and robes from home.
  8. When is it time to go to the hospital or birthing center? Most couples head to the hospital or birthing center too soon. Everyone is afraid of not getting there in time, but in reality, most births have more than ample time to get to the correct location. Arriving too early makes labor seem like it is lasting longer, and studies show that women’s perception of pain increases as soon as they leave their homes.  As long as the baby is moving and mom is not losing large amounts of blood, couples should stay home until they are well into active labor.  This means, having contractions every 5 minutes  that last for about 60 seconds, for at least an hour.  Contractions should be strong enough that mom cannot function normally through them.  She should actively be coping with her labor with deep breathing and other comfort measures like massage and relaxation.
  9. What are some “do’s” for early labor?
  • Do take care of personal needs. Enjoy one more nap, fix your hair/makeup/nails if that makes you feel better.
  • Eat and drink.
  • Pray/meditate
  • Smile!  Not only is today the day you have a baby, but smiling releases endorphins. 🙂
  • Alert your partner/doula/midwife.
  • Update Facebook status (kidding!)
  • Do make out with your husband (not kidding, it gets those labor hormones going!)  Oxytocin, the hormone of love is also the hormone of birth.
  • Do take time to clear your mind so you can enter active labor focused, relaxed, and free of stress and distraction.  Listen to lullabies, write your baby a letter, or finish up that baby blanket.  Thinking about your baby increases oxytocin, which is a vital hormone for childbirth.  Focusing on your baby during early labor helps your body and mind come together for a smooth active labor and birth.
  • DO TRUST IN YOUR ABILITY TO GIVE BIRTH!

10: What are some “don’ts” for early labor?

  • Don’t get hung up on time, early labor is not supposed to be short.
  • Don’t alert the world, (unless you want your labor to be interrupted with dozens of texts asking for updates).
  • Don’t eat fast food (you will regret it later).
  • Don’t go to the hospital during early labor UNLESS your baby isn’t moving, you are bleeding heavily, or your water has broken and it wasn’t clear.  (Water that is smelly or dirty is a sign that the baby has already pooped, and your baby will need extra monitoring.)
  • Don’t panic.  Your body was made to do this!

Presentations by Marie Bigelow, MT, AdvCD(DONA)

Professional Presentations

Marie-Ange Bigelow Decision-making, Doula, Motherhood, Natural Chilbirth, Physiology, Religion, Research 1 Comment

Do you run a professional or church group that would benefit from a guest speaker?  Today I am excited to announce 7 classes/presentations that I would LOVE to present to your group!  By combining LDS doctrine with scientific data, my presentations are sure to inform, engage and excite your group.  With over a decade of teaching experience and public speaking engagements, you can trust that you will be educated and entertained.  Currently, all of my presentations are available in the Treasure Valley and the Wasatch Front/Salt Lake Valley.  Contact me here for more details or to get something scheduled.

Below you will find my options.  Want something different?  Just let me know!  I’m happy to cater my presentation to your group’s needs.

 

Complimentary Presentations

Appropriate for Activity Days, Young Women/Young Men, Youth Firesides, Relief Society Meetings, etc.

Each presentation is approximately 1 hour- 45 minutes plus 15 minutes for questions/discussion.

  1. Redeeming Childbirth: Understanding God’s design for childbirth and how it fits into the plan of salvation. Also discusses how women are changed and magnified through the process of giving birth.
  1. Historical Birth: From pioneers to millennials, understanding how birth has changed for better and worse.
  1. Heavenly Mother: Where did She go and how can I find Her?

Stipend Presentations ($50-$100 depending on distance traveled.)

Appropriate for expectant couples, doula groups, childbirth educators, parent support groups etc.

Each presentation is approximately 1 hour, 45 minutes plus 15 minutes for questions/discussion.

  1. What is an empowered birth and how can I have one? Evidence based decision- making will also be discussed.
  2. A doula’s role to educate and still provide unconditional support. Finding the line between judgement and trained support.
  3. Make or break: How those you invite to your birth will influence it for good or bad.

Tuition Class (outside of Boise)

3 hour Music Birth Class, $75/couple.  Minimum of 2 couples.

As a one-night comprehensive class, Music Birth is perfect for busy parents-to-be, a great refresher course for experienced parents and an empowering class for all parents who want to have a safe and comfortable birth. This class teaches moms how to become deeply relaxed, support people how to effectively encourage and comfort the birthing woman, and is the only class that teaches how to effectively use music during birth.

Class tuition includes 3 hours of professional instruction, one signed copy of my book The Sacred Gift of Childbirth: Making Empowered Choices for You and Your Baby, Music Birth Class Manual, Playlist sample CD and Imagery practice CD.

Presentations by Marie Bigelow, MT, AdvCD(DONA)

Poor Advice I Followed and Now Regret

Marie-Ange Bigelow Breastfeeding, Decision-making, Motherhood, Research 1 Comment

New moms are bombarded with unsolicited advice.  It can feel overwhelming, condescending, annoying, and make you really doubt yourself!  Having no younger siblings, I didn’t know anything about babies when I became a mom!  Like many women, I learned as I went.  And 12 years later I’d like to share some of the worst advice I was given.  Advice that I followed and now wish I hadn’t.  And just for fun, I’ll throw in some unsolicited advice of my own now that I’ve had 4 kids and have surely become an expert by now.  🙂

1: Share your baby.  I remember shortly before giving birth to my first child, my dad encouraged me to share my baby with the family.  He pointed out that I would have soooo much time with her, and I should be willing to share her.  Having never been given poor advice from my dad, I followed this advice and happily passed my baby around as much as I could.  I now see that I should have held her close more and not have been so eager to make others happy with her presence.  (  can also see that he was possibly planting a seed so he would get more time with her….  It’s sweet and I love my dad, and I loved watching him be a grandpa to her, but I do feel like I missed out on her parts of her babyhood.)

My advice:  Sure my time with her was ample, but only for a handful of months.  I initially felt like she would be a baby for much longer than she really was, and before I knew it, she was crawling and wanted little to do with me.  My arms still ache to hold her as a baby.  So my advice is to mainly share your baby when it benefits you, not when it benefits others.  If someone would like to hold your baby so you can rest, shower, or eat- then that is wonderful.  If someone wants to hold your baby while he/she is content and snuggly in your arms, think twice about how fleeting babyhood is.  It’s ok to be selfish when it comes to your own baby.

2: Don’t sleep with your baby: Co-sleeping is a hot topic, and it was even more polarized 12 years ago than it is now.  There were no voices of reason when it came to co-sleeping back then.  There was one message, and that was you should never sleep with your baby.  If you do one of two things will happen: 1: they will become totally co-dependent on you forever for everything, or 2: you will roll onto your baby and they will die.

It’s always in my nature to do the “right” thing, so I fought my baby for months, insisting she sleep alone in her crib.  I wasted hours upon hours of sleep, on my feet, shh-ing her back to sleep, only to have her wake up the second I placed her back in her crib.  By about 4:00 or 5:00 am each morning I would give up and co-sleep until 9 or 10.  Then each morning I felt like a miserable failure and vowed to never co- sleep again.  Only to end up reliving the same torturous night again and again.

Everyone told me it was dangerous to co-sleep.  11 years later I’d like to argue that the real danger is a mother who is pushed to the brink of delirium due to lack of sleep!  No one told me that my rest was important.  The only message given to me was that the only important thing was teaching my baby to sleep alone.  And all that meant was that neither of us slept.  For about an entire year.  And it was dreadful.  And I almost lost my mind.

My advice:  Let your baby tell you how they want to sleep:  Due to extreme fatigue and baby number #2 arriving less than 16 months after baby #1, co-   sleeping happened constantly because I pretty much fell asleep every time I nursed.  I would nurse for 5 hours straight at night and not even realize it.  But then baby #3 came along and he was totally content to sleep alone.  So we hardly ever co-slept.  I enjoyed the freedom of watching TV at night with my husband, going out with friends after he was down for the night, and even started attending more births as a doula.  But then baby #4 came and he wanted to sleep in my arms.  So I cut back on doula work and slept with him most nights because by then I had learned that nothing is more important than sleep.  If your baby sleeps well without you, then don’t feel guilty for having them sleep alone.  Enjoy it.  If your baby wants to sleep with you, then tuck them into bed with you.  Enjoy it.  Don’t do drugs.  Don’t go to bed intoxicated.  Chances are you won’t only not kill your baby, but you just might get some sleep, too.  (Get more sleep tips here!)

3: Stop nursing when you get pregnant.  At my first child’s 9 month well baby visit I mentioned to our pediatrician that I was pregnant and we would be adding a new baby to his practice.  He asked me if I was still nursing and I told him I was.  He looked me in the eye and said “No, you’re done nursing.”  So what did I do?  I went home and weaned my baby, of course.  Again, wanting to do the “right” thing, I obeyed the advice I was given, assuming it was doctrine, because it came from a doctor after all.

My advice: Decide for yourself.  I think my big takeaway with this experience is that I wasn’t the one who chose when to stop breastfeeding.  I hate that I blindly obeyed a doctor, especially now when I know many women who have continued breastfeeding after becoming pregnant.  My big regret is not being an active participant in the decision making, not the decision itself.  My milk supply was dwindling by that point, and weaning would have probably happened on it’s own in the next month or so.  But that decision was mine to make.  No my pediatrician’s.

In my experience, regret tends to come more often when we do something because someone else told us to do it, instead of us deciding for ourselves that it is the best thing to do.  Over the years I have also been given an abundance of good advice that I have incorporated into my mothering, and I feel good about it because I thought it over and felt that it rang true to myself and my beliefs.  Bottom line is, you are the mom and you are in charge!  You get to decide what works for your family, because no one else is as in-tune to your family’s needs than you are.  So don’t doubt yourself.  You’ve got this!

If you want more information on how to make decisions, check out my book The Sacred Gift of Childbirth: Making Empowered Choices for You and Your Baby.  Learn how women all over the country are using scientific data, LDS doctrine, and personal revelation to make birthing decisions that are right for them and prevent personal regrets.

Written by Marie Bigelow, MT, AdvCD(DONA)

Giving Good Gifts: Observing the 4th Trimester

Marie-Ange Bigelow Christmas, Doula, Motherhood, Religion 2 Comments

“Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2: 10 & 11 

Who doesn’t love Christmas?! A joyous but stressful time filled with the hustle and bustle of celebrating and gift-giving. It reminds me of another joyous time in our lives, (often filled with exhaustion and stress…) having a baby. Mindfulness and careful preparation can lighten the load for either event. If you prepare and keep in mind the reason for this season in your life, slowing down can be a great blessing and gift to you and your family.

The Gift of Being Prepared

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

Jesus Christ’s birth has been foretold and testified of by prophets since the beginning of time, and is a necessary part of our Heavenly Father’s plan for our happiness. In the pre-existence, a plan was presented to us. We chose to follow that plan, and if we persevere in following that plan, we are promised blessings now and in the eternities. Similar blessings are yours if you take the time to plan the important events in your life. This goes double for childbirth.

Most people are now familiar with the term ‘birth plan’. A birth plan helps you prepare for your birth and helps you communicate to others what your needs and wishes are.  I also think women should create a postpartum plan.  Adding a postpartum plan will help when you are being bombarded with the unfamiliar. It will remind you of what you need to be be doing (or not doing) for yourself and baby, as well as empowering other loved ones who want to support you during this special time.

If possible communicate with your husband about ways he can lighten your load during this time, and let any visitors help out around the house. Make a list of chores you are comfortable allowing others to do. Things like dishes and sweeping would be easy suggestions, even things such as food preparation and laundry can be included… depending on your comfort level and your visitors’ willingness. If you have older children consider if they would benefit from some extra care and attention and enlist others to help you fill those needs. Allowing others to serve us isn’t always easy, and we often forget that serving blesses both the giver and the receiver. Be sure to give others the gift of a chance to serve!

A doula would be a great resource to assist in understanding what sort of things to include in a postpartum plan. Your birth doula will be there to support you for an hour or two after baby is born and can help you protect that invaluable time for bonding. Some doulas are even trained as postpartum doulas whom you can hire to help out at home after baby comes. This is a great option if you don’t have a lot of close family or friends around who have extra time to lend a hand. Benefits of a postpartum doula can include anything listed in the above paragraph as well as breastfeeding support, running errands, and assisting in newborn and self care. A Doula will also have a good list of local resources such as care providers and support groups that she can help refer you to for additional support.

The Gift of Rest

After your baby is born, I suggest taking a page from Mary and Joseph’s experience. They were only visiting Bethlehem when the “days were accomplished that she should be delivered.” Yet we know that they remained in Bethlehem for at least 40 days.  “And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord;’ Luke 2:22. We find an explanation of this law in Leviticus Chapter 12 (verses 1-4)  that gives us a better time frame. “And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days;… And she shall then continue in… her purifying three and thirty days…”  For further clarity the bible dictionary notes : “Uncleanness referred to being ceremonially or ritually unclean and should not be taken to mean that…. the bearing of children was morally evil. These regulations… were introduced in the law of carnal commandments (of performances and ordinances) of the law of Moses; being fulfilled by the Atonement of Jesus Christ, they are no longer required of the believers.”

The word ‘carnal’ can simply refer to that which is earthy or natural. I think we can take the word ‘purifying’ and equate it instead with healing, opposed to some sort of “cleansing”.  I tend to think that the Lord gave this law to protect this essential time of healing for mothers and babies.

Even today, many cultures understand this important concept and observe this postpartum period in various important ways that we seem to have forgotten in American culture. Places like Mexico and the Netherlands as well as Vietnam and China use this time to have other caregivers around to do household chores and take care of mom- giving her a chance to focus on resting and caring for baby.

There are science-based reasons why this is an important time for babies and mothers. The World Health Organization has supplied recommendations for postnatal care of infants and mothers with the preface that “The days and weeks following childbirth – the postnatal period – is a critical phase in the lives of mothers and newborn babies. Most maternal and infant deaths occur during this time. Yet, this is the most neglected period for the provision of quality care.” It may also be noted that observing this time could even help to keep postpartum depression at bay.

Momentum is growing to encourage families to take better care of themselves in the 4th Trimester and consciously reserve at least the 12 week period directly after childbirth as a time of healing and bonding. There are many things you can do to prepare before baby is born. The way you take care of yourself before birth as well as the environment and procedures involved in delivery can continue to influence your postpartum period.

The Gift of Bonding and Development

“Behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem, Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.” Matt 2:1-2

After the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, the Wise Men celebrated by bringing him gold, frankincense and myrrh. These thoughtful gifts held both symbolic and practical meaning and would serve the family well. The gifts we give new families should support the mother’s healing and the infant-mother bond. The greatest gift we can give others and ourselves is the the time to enjoy the gift of bonding with a new baby.

Birth is a big transition for everyone in a family, especially for babies. They are busy adapting to the change of environment that comes from leaving the womb as well as continuing to develop in some major ways. One of the reasons we use the term 4th trimester is because, even at term, human babies are born in a very helpless and immature state. It is an important time for development of the brain. This helplessness does not make them subhuman in fact I would argue that it’s more of a superhuman state. They are developing at an impressive rate and their experiences during this time can have a powerful effect on that development. A lot of this learning is done through sounds and touch, especially that of the mother. Next to breastfeeding, this is the best gift you can give your baby.

Taking this time to be with your baby helps to facilitate the rest that you need. Parenthood is a marathon. You can think of pregnancy and birth as the training stage and the postpartum period as the rest and recovery stage. It isn’t simply resting but knowing what to do to recover.  Taking care of your exhausted body for the long but satisfying road ahead is the best gift you can give to yourself.


Remember the old adage “you can’t pour from an empty cup. ”  When you make taking care of yourself a priority, you increase your capacity to care for others. So, remember to celebrate the birth of your baby by giving the gift of a peaceful 4th trimester.  

 “And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” Luke 2: 13-14  

 

Share with us: What was the best thing that you did for yourself and your baby in the 4th trimester?

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!!

Written by Karrie Green.  

Wife and Mother of 4.

Owner of Green Touch Doula Care

Madriella Certified Birth and Postpartum Doula, Pre Certified Birth Arts International Birth Doula

Serving women in southern MN and northern Iowa.

“As the middle of 7 children I was introduced to birth and breastfeeding at a young age, even being in attendance at my younger siblings births. I was always fascinated with my mother’s pregnancy books especially the pictures of baby developing in the womb. After my own birth experiences I felt a desire to help empower other families but didn’t know how to go about it. I was very happy to have finally figured it out when I discovered my calling as a doula!”  Karrie

 

 

Give the gift of a great birth!  The Sacred Gift of Childbirth is the perfect book to give this Christmas.

4 Things that are Hard to Understand about Birth

Marie-Ange Bigelow Books, Decision-making, Motherhood, Natural Chilbirth, Physiology, Religion, Research 0 Comment

As I wrote my book, I dreamt of giving women the birthing information they desire and deserve.  Information that empowers them to make the best choices for themselves and for their babies.  I dreamt of changing the world, one birth at a time!  But once people actually started reading it, I experienced a pretty big case of nerves!  As reviews started coming in, my nerves were eased with the glowing remarks of many readers and reviewers.  But there were a small handful of readers who did not like what they read.  I was prepared for that.  I knew it was unrealistic to expect everyone to sing my book’s praises.

As I contemplated the few negative reviews I received, I began to see similarities in all of them. Misinterpreting the message, not understanding the data, and attaching righteousness to scientific outcomes were common themes.

So today’s post is geared towards addressing these common concerns and hopefully adding some clarity to a very difficult and new concept regarding childbirth.  I worked tirelessly to find the perfect way to explain everything in my book, and overall, readers are understanding and appreciating it.  But I haven’t found the perfect way to explain it to everyone so I want to take the opportunity right now to try to fix that with my list of four things that are difficult to understand regarding birth.

 

1: There is a physiological aspect of childbirth. 

There is a physiological component to most, if not all, physical aspects and actions of our bodies.  This is not a hypothesis and is not up for debate as it has been scientifically proven time and time again.  The primary difference between my writing and other scientific writing is I am saying that God purposely created the physiological aspect of birth.  Other researchers believe that evolution created this physiology in order to promote survival.  You may believe whichever theory you choose, but they both have the same science behind them, and the same ultimate goal of a healthy birth with a thriving mother and a thriving infant.

When birth occurs naturally, there is a physiological chain reaction that promotes bonding, increases breastfeeding success, and strengthens the woman physically and emotionally.  While many of my critics have tried to discredit it, the physiologic component of childbirth is well-documented and as such is one of the strongest arguments in my book. Believing in the power of physiology does not discredit the power of the atonement or free agency, but gives a broader understanding of the mind-body connection, and helps us make choices that can lead to greater health.

The physiology of birth is another testament of God’s love for His daughters because it shows His love in every tiny detail of childbirth.  No, not everyone will experience birth the way God intended, but that doesn’t make the information less important or less true.  We wouldn’t dream of discontinuing teaching about the Word of Wisdom just because followers of the commandment will not have perfect health.  Healthy physiology is not guaranteed during birth, but is a goal women can reach for when planning for a safe and healthy birth.

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2: Mortality prevents physical and physiological perfection.

My book teaches that the design of childbirth is perfect, but our bodies are not.  We are able to apply this thinking to most aspects of our health, but for many it is difficult to apply to childbirth.  Surely God designed every aspect of our mortal bodies.  Every synapse and response is purposeful and perfect in theory.  Mortality takes a perfect design and allows it to be imperfect.  But the imperfections of mortality do not mean that God doesn’t have a plan for the human body and its many functions.

Physical injury, physical illness and mental illness, are all (to a certain extent) an expected part of mortality, as none of us are immune to them.  Since childbirth encompasses the physical and physiological aspects of a woman’s body, we can safely assume that mortality often interferes with the birthing process. God allows mortality to interfere with birth, just as He allows it to interfere with every other physical and physiological aspect of our bodies.  While God is capable of removing our earthly pain and illness, He often doesn’t, as experiencing these trials is part of His plan for us to experience mortality and opposition in all things.  God is also bound by natural laws, and mortality is a condition that we all agreed to – knowing we would be tested and tried.

Along with mortality, we can’t ignore how our personal choices have an effect on our overall health and on our births.  Just as proper rest, nutrition and exercise increase our chances of a long and healthy life, proper preparation and decision-making skills increase our chances of a healthy birth.

 

3: Our choices during birth often interfere with the physical and physiological aspects of birth, but that has nothing to do with righteousness.

Utilizing our free agency isn’t always a matter of right and wrong, and personal worthiness is not relevant to birthing outcomes. This is a difficult concept for the Christian who has always viewed choices as good or bad. There is no righteous or sinful options during birth, just safer options with no religious tandem.

People really struggle with this one because usually choices that lead to poor outcomes are also labeled as sins, and that makes it easier for us to know what God wants us to choose.  This is not the case in birth.  Receiving an epidural or needing a cesarean are not sins (a point I make several times in my book), but they can lead to poor outcomes.  Since we are always attaching labels of sin and righteousness to our choices, this makes childbirth choices difficult to process and understand.  If getting an epidural isn’t a sin, then why can it increase my chances of having postpartum depression?

Plainly because it interferes with physiology.

Physiological interference disrupts the birthing and bonding process for many women.  This information is crucial for women to understand, as Latter Day saints are encouraged (not commanded) to make decisions that support good health. Of course there are the big commandments like avoiding drugs and alcohol, but things like getting enough sleep and low sugar intake are healthy goals to strive for, but won’t keep you out of the temple.  Our food and sleep choices often lead to poor health.  Poor health, however, has never been deemed a sin.  But poor health does make life harder and prevents many of us from using our mortal bodies to their full potential.

The physical and physiological potential of birth is miraculous and life-changing.  When understood this way, we can’t help but see God’s influence and our own personal influence on the experience.  A natural birth without complications is not a badge of righteousness just as a difficult birth with many interventions is not a scarlet letter.  They are both the combination of mortality and personal choices. The purpose of my book is to give black and white information categorized into risks and benefits and empower women as they make choices for themselves and their babies.  There is absolutely no talk of worthy or righteous choices.

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4: Science doesn’t have to be politically correct.

Just like our LDS culture wants to assign sin or righteousness to everything, our modern-American culture wants to assign equality to everything.  Our politically correct world wants to give women the right to make any choice they want during childbirth, and present all choices as equally safe and rewarding.  While I agree that women should be given the right to make birthing choices for themselves, we should not ignore how those choices can affect a birth and the long-term physical and emotional health of the mother and child. 

As we strive for equality, we still must be able to admit that every choice will not lead to the same outcome.  Thankfully, data doesn’t have to be politically correct.  We can choose to honestly look at the data and admit that many of the choices we are given during childbirth interfere with the normal processes and functions of birth.  It may not be politically correct or popular to admit this, but the truth often isn’t.
For those who have misunderstood my work, I hope this has helped clear things up. For others, I hope you have enjoyed learning more about the incredible design of birth. Understanding the divine design of childbirth gives us more reasons to feel God’s love. This understanding also empowers women to make safe choices based in data and doctrine.  Choices that improve outcomes, build testimonies, and strengthen families.

How God Makes a Mother

Marie-Ange Bigelow Books, Motherhood, Physiology, Research 3 Comments

The qualities and attributes of mothers are an innate gift from a loving Heavenly Father.  Women who become mothers by giving birth, through adoption, and women who do not have the opportunity to mother in this life, are all blessed with feminine qualities that contribute to Christ-like love and mothering.

Strengthening and developing the desired characteristics and attributes of mothering takes time, even a lifetime. Qualities like kindness, empathy, love, and patience are given to women in a small, raw form with the expectation from Heavenly Father that we will live our lives in a way that will build up and strengthen our innate abilities.

Life experience, setting and reaching goals, following Christ’s example, and simply growing older and maturing, all contribute to the development of these desired characteristics. But there is also one other way that women change into mothers, and that is through the chemical and hormonal changes their brains undergo during pregnancy and childbirth.  Rarely spoken of and understood by few, Heavenly Father created a physiological chain reaction to ignite a woman’s ability to love, nurture, and protect her children, and help her develop into a loving, strong, patient, and compassionate parent.

I was pretty nervous to become a mother.  Growing up I didn’t have any younger siblings, and was so involved in school and extra-curricular activities that I didn’t babysit much either.  I remember quickly running out of patience during the times that I did babysit, and found myself easily annoyed by the tantrums and childhood antics of the children I was watching.  In my late teen years I discussed this with my mom, and she told me it would be different when I had my own children.  She claimed I would be more patient and enjoy them more.  I found it very hard to believe.

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Selflessness and Strength

At just 23 years old, I prepared to give birth to my first child.  The pregnancy was difficult, as most are.  I was finishing up my degree and was always exhausted and sick to my stomach.  I would run out of class just in time to throw up into the nearest trash can.  My baby was literally making me sick day in and day out, and I was happy to bear that burden because it meant that I would have her in my arms someday.  After years of complete selfishness and personal growth, I was willfully putting aside my own comfort for my child.

I was becoming stronger, too, even though I didn’t know it.  The longer I was pregnant, the more estrogen and progesterone my body made, increasing my pain tolerance and preparing me for the upcoming discomforts of labor. (1) Once labor would hit, my body would undergo many more chemical reactions that would help me bond with my daughter, love her intensely, and nurture her with empathy and patience.

Love and Nurturance

During labor and birth, I experienced a closeness to my baby and to my husband that I did not expect.  Now I know those feelings were caused by the same hormone causing my contractions: oxytocin.  Outside of childbirth, oxytocin is the hormone of love and bonding.  Our brains create oxytocin when we have positive interactions with others.  The more positive and consistent those interactions are, the more oxytocin our brain makes.  This not only makes us happy in the moment, but assists in keeping long-term relationships strong.  High and frequent amounts of oxytocin tell our brains how important someone is to us. If our brains were computers, oxytocin would be the code.

During labor, oxytocin tells the uterus to have contractions and the brain to love, protect, and nurture the infant.  Once the child is born, the mother’s brain experiences an oxytocin high, and creates more oxytocin than her brain will create at any other time in her life.  This not only heightens initial bonding, but creates coding in the woman’s brain for a long-term relationship, even though the mother-child relationship is new.  It also teaches us of God’s love for His daughters, His plan for birth to be joyful, and His desire for mothers and children to be intrinsically bonded.

The heightened amounts estrogen from pregnancy also create oxytocin receptors in the mother’s brain, helping her maternal instincts go into overdrive directly after giving birth.  This helps the early days of motherhood feel natural, even for a first-time mom.  It helps a woman bond to her child, which will help her feel rewarded by taking care of her child, instead of resentful.  (2) It also brings out her protective nature, and keeps her alert to anger dangers that may threaten her child.

Brain Power

We often hear women claiming to have “pregnancy brain” or “mommy brain”.  While the fatigue of motherhood can definitely contribute to a woman feeling foggy, the physiological firework session that women experience after giving birth actually increases their brain power.  Neuroscientists have determined that the chemical components of pregnancy and childbirth increase a mother’s long-term memory, motivation, empathy, multitasking abilities and prioritizing skills!  (3)  They also decrease a woman’s fear, giving her the courage to do whatever it takes to keep her family safe.

When we consider the miracle of birth, we are typically only considering the birth of the child.  But the physiological aspect of birth is the birth of a mother.  It is how Heavenly Father helps turn our potential into practice.

 

Notes:

  1. “Hormones Driving Labor and Birth,” Childbirth Connection, Apr. 2011.
  2. Linda Folden Palmer, “The Chemistry of Attachment,” Mothering Magazine. http://theattachedfamily.com/?p=4979
  3. Craig H. Kinsley. “Motherhood and the Hormones of Pregnancy Modify Concentrations of Hippocampal Neuronal Dendritic Spines”.Hormones and Behavior. February 2006. 49,2 :131-142

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Written by Marie Bigelow, author of “The Sacred Gift of Childbirth”. If you liked this article, you’ll love the book!